Thursday, December 30, 2004

WTF?
(background noise: The All American Rejects - Swing, Swing)

Well yesterday was a pretty horrible day, but it looked up towards the end. I started out with a text message on my phone at 6 a.m. from a certain someone in Moab (it other words it was 4 a.m. there) and I quote: "I fucking hate you so why cant i get you out of my mind? Do you think of me? Why did you hurt me the way you did? Do you still hurt or is it just me?" I tried to respond...sent my own text message, and called the cell number...but I get some disconnection message, so I'm not sure what to do...I want to talk about it, see what's going on, answer any questions...ask a few of my own. I'm just worried.

So that started out my day pretty crappy, the rest of the day my boss got on my nerves and the day just wouldn't end. My grandfather invited me to dinner at an Italian restaurant after work...and that immediately got me up a little bit. I ate like 2 or 3 pounds of baked spaghetti...it was great. Sarah's back in town and I talked to her last night, which also cheered me up. I'm hoping she'll be able to do something for New Years.

I just got back from the funeral of my...great...great...aunt Erna, who was 100 years old. I didn't know her, but it gave me an opportunity to see a lot more of the family and to see how utterly insane organized religion is (we went to an Episcopal church for the service).

I just got my Lord of the Rings box set...yet more movies to watch this weekend, mostly want to just watch the third so I can see the extended scenes and such.

I'm going to change and head off to work in a little bit. I have to drive to Clayton to pick up a rent check for my boss...so that'll be a good 40 minutes there and back. I shall post more later, wish me luck!

p.s. Thanks to Steffan for setting up the livejournal account for the RSS feed, I'll have to get the account information from you so maybe I can have a look at Mystery's journal if she adds it to her friends.

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  Monday, December 27, 2004

Short Break
(background noise: The crunch crunch of tires on snow)

Well my short break from work is over...in other words the weekend. Today seems to be going well, I like it when it's just me and my boss in the office. He usually has me doing like 10 things at once...but it keeps me busy and time goes by really quickly. Plus, if he's in an appointment, I can make a quick post on my blog ;)

Today I'm looking at prices on a BMW X-5, woo hoo...I'm not sure if he's selling his, or one of his clients is buying a new one or something. Later I have to move his Lexus somewhere, of course first I have to get all the snow off of it since it sat in the parking lot over Christmas.

That reminds me of the funny sign I saw in front of this corporate church by Zack's house in Denver. It said "Keep Christ in Christmas," course the weird thing was, the first time we went past it, I wasn't really paying attention, so I thought it said "We put the Christ in Christmas" which would have been hilarious, of course...it was pretty good as is.

Sarah may be coming back Tuesday with her father and siblings because they'd like to be back at some point before school resumes and because Matt, who is taking care of their dogs, is leaving and they don't know if they could get their neighbors to take care of them. But yeah...hopefully I get to see her.

I probably should have taken this cold weather as an opportunity to wear the scarf Tara made...oh well, I'll use it tonight since I'll probably wander around some. Unless I end up staying home and online.

Last night I fell asleep watching Invader Zim at like 7, guess I was tired. I just was resting in bed...put my head on the pillow, and then woke up an hour and a half later.

Well, I'm still waiting for a call from some dealership in Raleigh, but I'm gonna start looking around at others, so back to work :)

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  Sunday, December 26, 2004

Holy Crap...Lions
(background noise: Bath running)

Well...I look outside and I see white. It actually snowed last night. There was a winter storm advisory for the entire night, and we now have around 6 inches of snow. I don't know...but I wasn't really in the mood for snow anymore, lol. I'm just not looking forward to driving through it with that shitty Focus.

Well...I think I'm gonna take my bath and go around town a little bit to "admire" the snow.

p.s. Actually talked to Sarah on the phone last night, she's still in Ohio though. It made me a lot happier just to talk to her though.

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  Saturday, December 25, 2004

Presents
(background noise: Frou Frou - Let Go)

Well I've been having a good Christmas. Lots of little random presents. My aunt Cathy definately has my number on quite a few things, two gift cards to China House, small gift card to Target. She even got me one of those FurReal Pandas, lol...it's kind of scary, so now I have two pandas (thanks to Cameo for the other).

My grandparents and I opened presents early this afternoon, they enjoyed mine, thankfully. I got like random food products from other family lol.

Got some money of course...always a great gift to receive.

The two best gifts I have received today were quite simple. One was my grandmother's reassurance at how much of a great person I am, how smart I am, among lots of other great comments, I was crying while I hugged her...it's just not something I hear often from family and I took it to heart. The other great gift just arrived, which would be the scarf that Tara made for me. Tara...I didn't expect you to make me one so quickly, thank you :) I love it, and my family loves it...they also are partially making fun of me since I have someone I just met in Colorado sending me a scarf lol.

I believe Cathy is coming over a little later, not sure.

But anway...I'm gonna go back to mindless entertainment. Merry Christmas all.

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Merry Christmas
(background noise: The Animals - The House of the Rising Sun)

Merry Christmas, that's about it :P

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  Friday, December 24, 2004

Christmas Eve
(background noise: Boss' voice)

So here I am, at work on Christmas Eve. Which I'm not really complaining about, I wouldn't have done anything anyway, and at least this way, I get paid. The only thing I have to complain about today is that it's 1:10 and I haven't had lunch yet, and cannot leave until this appointment is over. Then I get to go to lunch, buy wrapping paper, and wrap my boss' presents.

Ordered the LOTR box set...yummy. That's my Christmas bonus treat.

I'm wondering why these random family members have been giving me Christmas presents, and I'm kind of wondering why I'm actually waiting until Christmas to open them, lol. The thing is...I have no idea who most of these people are.

I woke up to go to work at 8:30, since that was when Sherif wanted me here. Of course, there was no one here when I arrived, so I drove around for a half hour looking at what movies were now playing and went to the gas station to fill my car up. So that kind of sucked, I'm over it now, lol. However I think I'm gonna go grab one of the cinnamon rolls that are in the back, laters.

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  Thursday, December 23, 2004

Little Better
(background noise: none...really)

Well, I've adjusted to timing on the east coast a little more now, so work isn't nearly as horrible as it was yesterday. Still not sure if I work tomorrow, but I have a feeling I do, but I'm not really complaining.

I cleaned up the links on the blog a little today, got rid of some that were kind of dead, added a few new ones like Tara's newly created blog, my MySpace profile, and SuperNova.org which has a bunch of bittorrent links.

Lunch is soon...thankfully, but today has gone by pretty smoothly. Just entering payroll and such. Probably have to enter some checks into Quickbooks a little later. I shall post more later...

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  Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Ooh...Sleepy
(background noise: Juno Reactor - Labyrinth)

I'm about to go to sleep, work again in the morning. I had a decent night though. I went to see Ocean's Twelve with Bethany and went and bought wrapping paper while some guy who wouldn't shut up talked to me while I was in line at walmart.

I saw Finding Neverland while I was in Denver, very happy I got to because it was very good, and because I'm not likely to find it anywhere near me.

Tomorrow of course I will be at work, but after work I need to work on the wrapping of presents.

Off to bed.

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"Home" Again
(background noise: People laughing outside? Why?)

I returned to Goldsboro last night, got home around 11 and went to bed around midnight, although it took me a while to get to sleep. I came to work this morning, which kind of sucks...but it hasn't been too bad of a day, I just haven't really had a chance to shower, so I'm a little dirty. That plane ride takes it out of you. I had about an hour and a half to sit in the Newark airport...which is actually a really nice airport. I chucked though, because I would constantly hear the intercom with voices that had a New Jersey accent.

Tonight I hope to get out of the house, I still need to get wrapping paper for the few small presents that I got for people here. Other than that, I basically need to rest. I'm not sure if I have Friday off or not, but I hope so. It's nice to be back, but also kind of depressing. Sarah's not here, and even if she was...no idea if I'd have a chance to see her. I still have very little friends here...but at least the few that I have are good ones.

I will probably post more tonight, have to get back to work, just got some typing to do.

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  Thursday, December 16, 2004

Last few days
(background noise: Divinyls - Fine Line Between Pleasure and Pain)

Lisa and Tara and coming down tomorrow. Lisa and I will probably head to Boulder on Sunday to see Sean and such (who I probably need to get an address/number from).

Jason got the LOTR extended set. Which it looks like we're going to watch all three tomorrow night, I might leave during part of it, but I must see the extended version of Return of the King...it's only gonna take 11 or 12 hours...

Most things for the computers are set, I'm waiting for a part so I can fix the other tomorrow real quick. However there is a problem with Holly, I can't burn cds, it's not any of the hardware, I tried different cable, different cd drive...it's frustrating, no form of burning works: Nero, Windows Media, the built in burning for Windows XP...I just don't understand.

Played tennis today...it's been a while, it was fun...the end.

Well...I'm gonna head of, just wanted to do a quick update.

p.s. New Mini-Poll

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  Monday, December 13, 2004

Moab
(background noise: Holly...I forgot how loud my old computer was)

Well, I have arrived in Moab. My flights when well and the drive went well. It was great to see Zack and Jason at the airport, and to meet Jason's girl Cameo too.

We drove up to Fort Collins after Zack picked me up at the airport so we could go see Kevin. Kevin was his usual hyper self, who of course I love. We watched "The Year in Review II" which is Kevin's tribute to last year...had me in tears laughing. Went to see GameOn where Kevin works...played a very short round of Halo and Battlefield and headed back to Denver after saying goodbye.

We drove down to Grand Junction on Saturday, it was great to see everyone again. I really missed them all, and I got to meet some of their new friends. I met Lisa's friends Tara and Zefer (if I got the spelling wrong don't kill me). Tara is great and I hung out with her most of the time I was there, cept when she needed to study for her final. Zefer is now my other younger "sister" lol, and she's a definately a good sis.

I got to see just about all my really good friends at Mesa (Lisa, Zack, Sean, Jefferson...). I ran into a lot of other friends from last year too, like Chris, Bob, and Joel. Even Traci...the confusing girl I had a thing for last year.

Today my mom picked me up and we drove back to Moab, so I'm here...tomorrow will be mostly spent working on the computers. I will try to head back to Junction a little early, since Lisa might not be able to come stay in Moab, and so I can see everyone again, mostly Tara...lol. I might be able to see Sean again in Boulder if Lisa wants to go to a Messiah that Sean is highly reccomending.

Well...I'm gonna head off, I'll explain some more of my plans for the next few days. Goodbye all, and to everyone at Mesa: I already miss you all so much.

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  Wednesday, December 08, 2004

???
(background noise: People putting "candles" in my window)

I just thought I would mention this, I'm on my lunch break...gotta go back to work now. But someone got my blog as a result when searching for "tonsillitis singing." it was great...anyways, bye bye. I'm looking forward to my trip.

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  Monday, December 06, 2004

Worky Poo
(background noise: Construction across the street from work)

Ah, another day at work. Sean...that's a hard post to follow. However I will do my best, even if it means failing horribly.

I have just about everything figured out for my trip. I do not know who I am going to be staying with the 19th and 20th...or who's taking me to the airport on the 21st, but I'm sure that I'll figure out something fairly easily (...if you're in Denver and have suggestions or would like me to come see you/stay with you on the 19th & 20th and um...can drive me to the airport, TELL ME NOW *looks in the general direction of Jason I. and Zack*).

I look forward to seeing a lot of my old friends in Colorado, it will be nice to see some random people that I knew, but weren't really friends with, at Mesa. I'm hoping I just run into random people around the campus, or when we go eat dinner or something (no Sean, I will not force you to go to the cafeteria for 3 hours, lol...we'll just try to go at a semi-busy time so some people can see me).

This will be the first time I am Moab and not intensively searching out Kassi, which, of course, is a good thing. Although it will be pretty, well...let's be honest, extremely awkward if I run into her at the store or something. I am ecstatic at the possibility of hanging out with J. Michael :P and McLain (my old tenor buddy who just got back from his mission in Arkansas). It looks like I will not see any of my female friends in Utah, or at least what remains of them *cough* which is probably a good thing. I do hope I still somehow get to see Becky, although she originally told me she was going to be in town as of the 10th...which actually means the 16th...lol.

There are a few purposes of this trip: 1. To see my friends and family, 2. To fix my family's computer (1800 mile service call), 3. To have a break from my grandparents...since they have gotten on my nerves quite a bit lately. 4. Have fun!

And in response to Sean's mathematical substitution basis...this is what I am used to working with. Algebra has always been my strong point, not to mention something I enjoy. Working through page long (and in one case multiple page) algebra problems in Calculus was always a thrill. I'm not sure if that was because I enjoyed the actual work, or because I enjoyed showing up most of the people in the class. The point of algebra is remove the content (such as apples, or oranges, or mason jars, or girlfriends...etc.) so you can make a generalization and apply it to any situation you come across. Once you remove the content it becomes an empty idea with amazing potential.

p.s. I really need to re-learn some tricks of the trade in Microsoft Word and Excel...I'm pretty damn good with word, except I haven't used Excel since my sophomore year in high school, so all that formatting/cell formula information is gone. The disadvantage to having knowledge about computer hardware, and a decent amount of knowledge about networking is that it is constantly used by other people without benefit to me. Especially in my work situation, if I do not receive a raise by my birthday, I am going to request one and/or look for another higher paying job. I do not feel "used" when I'm being paid $7.00 an hour for things that would usually require a computer technician for the price of $40 thru even $75 an hour. I needed to show that I had knowledge in something to impress Sherif, which was successful, but I'd like to slowly receive the benefits of it.

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Women and Symbols
(background music: Wolfsheim - Once in a Lifetime)

Women.

Sitting on my bed are two cute stuffed animals that I was supposed to send to Sarah. This is my Sarah, of course, not Vincent's Sarah. I like Sarah a whole lot. That's the trouble. From the offset, I knew that I would be stupidly gonzo for this girl, and she would like me a little bit. So this relationship is a moderately romantic act of idol worship.

The last dozen or so times that I've tried calling her I've gotten her voice mail. At some point this crosses the line. Is she just that busy? Is there something going on with her phone? Did she break up with me without letting me know? All are possible realities; multiple differing shadows cast from one object. I just don't know for sure. As a creature of faith and optimism, of course I will assume the best. As a creature of logic, however, I will at least be aware of the worst.

If Sarah has moved on, that's totally fine. I've always been aware that she's in college meeting lots of new people that she might like, or that I simply might not suit her tastes. I respect her enough to trust her judgment on these things, and if she thinks I'm not the best choice for her, she's probably right. Lol, I mean, she should know, neh?

There is one thing about this that bothers me, though... Her boyfriend before me spent a few months calling her after when she says they broke up. If he didn't know, it may well be that she did the same thing to him that she's (probably) doing to me, and this behavior will not serve her well in the future. She's the sunlight; she should feel comfortable expressing her emotions to people.

As a brief segue, an intro to Chinese cosmology.

Similarly to how the Greeks believed in four basic elements, the Chinese regarded five aspects of manifestation. Specifically, those are earth, metal, water, wood, and fire. I've listed them in order of what is called the circle of creation. Wood makes fire, fire makes earth, earth makes metal, etc. There is also the circle of control, which would be the 5 pointed star drawn in the middle of the circle of creation. Water controls fire, fire controls metal, metal controls wood, and so on.

The Chinese, in contrast to the Greeks, did not exactly consider their elements to be the literal components of everything. They more used it as a metaphorical framework by which the relationships of different parts of a system could be discussed. It was used with a fair amount of success, especially in the fields of medicine and politics. For example, one politician might be described as a 'fire' aspect. His opposition would try to control him by introducing a 'water' rival, and might even try to strengthen the 'water' influence by adding some 'metal' to the scene (metal creates water). The actual rivaling players would, after a little careful consideration, be assigned to their various roles in accordance with the five elements, after which their interactions and movements might be more readily understood.

Recently my opinion of mathematics has changed a little... Allow me to demonstrate with a definition.

Mathematics is the act of substituting symbols. That probably made you uneasy. I'll try to justify.

4 + 3 = 7, yes?
This notion started out rooted in reality, perhaps say with really real physical apples. Seven of them. At some level of intelligence, it became possible to count those apples. 1, 2, 3... At this phase, the reality of apples has been substituted for a symbol, or specifically the mental concept of apples. I can say "4 apples + 3 apples yields 7 apples", whether or not I have the physical fruit there to back me up. Before very long the apples disappear entirely, replaced by the pure concept of a number. 4 + 3 = 7. Watch what happens next-
7 = X
The numbers themselves can be swapped out. Further layers of this exchange exist, if you desire to seek them out.

The really slick notion that I'm trying to convey is that it's possible to remove the content from a situation, but preserve the forms and interactions. It just involves the swapping of symbols, like mathematics, language, or cosmology. That's what I'm up to when I say that Tera is the roadrunner. I don't mean that she's sadistic, or laughable, or anything. I'm just remarking that her role here and now is to be recklessly pursued, an act of desperate comic futility. Remember, no significance of any kind is intended or implied when I say this. In actuality, Tera's a really cool person, and the people chasing her are not otherwise the idiots sporting Acme rockets which my "in depth" analysis might have you believe.

That said, my role with Sarah is to revere her like a devout or a groupie. An act of worship which as Chuck Lorre might say, "Is less likely to lead to spiritual growth than the worship of Thor." I know this. So what am I doing?

Just looking for the optimal path, as usual. Am I supposed to keep her picture where it is, over my desk? If only I could get her to talk to me, maybe I could find out...

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  Saturday, December 04, 2004

Trip and...Trip
(background noise: Red Dwarf - Nanarchy)

Thursday morning I purchased my plane ticket for the trip to Colorado/Utah. I am flying into Denver on Friday, December 10th, driving down to Grand Junction with Zack on the 11th, and heading to Moab on the 13th or 14th. After that...I leave Moab on the 19th, probably go up to Boulder for that day, and then head back to Denver, then my flight back to Raleigh is on the 21st. Wish my luck and I hope I have a good trip.

The other trip was yesterday, I drove to High Point, NC to pick up a mahogany desk for my boss for a total of 300 miles. Wore me out...but it was an ok trip, but also very lonely.

I have now lost count of the amount of vehicles that I've driven since I've been here, yesterday my boss' van was added to the list.

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