Monday, April 26, 2004

This will be my last post for a while. Although my days usually feel like weeks now anyway...so maybe it won't be that long. The hits on my blog have been going down and I've just had a very unpleasant experience involving my personal life...probably lowest point in self-esteem I've had for a long time. I fucking hate psychologists. All they do is try to make things better by giving you drugs, then once the drugs are gone what do you do then? No...I'm not talking about myself. I don't really know what to say about it.

:: Posted by Vincent at 4:33 PM::
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Summer
(background music: Eve 6 - Here's to the Night)

With summer approaching, I have turned to my plans...or lack there of. It looks like the best bet for the summer is to get a house with Kevin and Asher near Grand Lake, CO...close to where Kevin's parents live. With about 2 weeks left of school (including finals) I'm sad to leave, but also extremely happy that I'm going to have a change of scenery. It's most likely that I am not going to go to college next year, I'll have to pay back my loan for this year after 6 months...but it's not bad at all. I'm thinking about just living in Colorado and getting residency before really going again, it would be so much easier to deal with in-state tuition than out of state (with or without loans/grants/scholarships). After the summer I hope to know where exactly I want to be and then go. North Carolina is still a possibility, as San Francisco probably is. In the back of my mind there is a small dream of Seattle, but that will have to wait until I really get into life on my own.

:: Posted by Vincent at 2:31 AM::
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  Friday, April 23, 2004

New Pages
(background music: Korn - Everything I've Known)

Lately I've been working on some new pages for Blogocide, making it more than just a blog...and more than just a single page. I play around with Photoshop, I watch movies, I listen to music...so I'm starting with pages devoted to these. My artwork (wallpapers, icons, just fun) can be found here. My page of movie ratings (soon to have reviews added to the star rating) can be found here. Soon I will make a page suggesting music. But last but not least my cafepress store can be found here.

p.s. Since musicdonkey is going down I've added a few more links for emule ed2k and such.

:: Posted by Vincent at 3:56 AM::
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  Wednesday, April 21, 2004

None
(background music: Depeche Mode - Dream On)

Poor poor musicdonkey...it's gonna be gone by the end of the month. They have an archive of all their shared files in a zip file on the main page. We will miss you musicdonkey...along with ShareReactor. Oh bother...

Upside...new artwork page for me. Yay!

:: Posted by Vincent at 4:39 PM::
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  Monday, April 19, 2004

Gah!!!
(background music: Frou Frou - Let Go)

I don't know what's going on. My grandmother called me this morning which was a nice surprise, the first time she called me while I've been at college. She suggested a scholarship for me and checked on my plans this summer. I called my mother a little while ago and the first thing she said was "find a job." Oh...and now San Francisco is a bad idea according to her because it's "too long of a transition time" until then.
Gah...when will it stop.

p.s. New minipoll

:: Posted by Vincent at 6:08 PM::
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  Saturday, April 17, 2004

Trivia
(background music: The Beatles)

Which Beatles classic was Ringo Starr lead vocalist in and writer of?

:: Posted by Vincent at 8:55 PM::
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  Thursday, April 15, 2004

Quizes
(background music: FRED - Jungle Book Medley)

Here are some of the quizes that everyone has been filling out, I decided to take a shot at them. I filled this out at 2 or 3 am last night actually...




Quiz 1

Facts
name: Vincent Beethoven Bridgers
nicknames: Vince, Vinny, Francho, Cathexist
born in: San Francisco, CA
resides in: Grand Junction and Moab
good student: nope
eyes: brown
hair: brown
shoe size: 11

Last time you...
had a nightmare: can't remember
ate at mcdonalds: can't remember
brushed your hair: um...1 year and 5 months (and it wasn't me brushing)
washed your hair: two nights ago
checked your e-mail: all the time
cried: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
called someone: tonight
smiled: minutes ago
laughed: minutes ago
talked to an ex: today

Do you?
smoke: nope
do drugs: on a very rare occasion
have sex: yes
sleep with stuffed animals: not anymore
have a dream that keeps coming back: not anymore
play an instrument: yes, violin...and I plunk the piano
believe there is life on other planets: not worried about it
remember your first love: yes
still love her: yes
read the newspaper: on occasion
have any straight friends: yes
have any gay friends: yes
consider love a mistake: no
like the taste alcohol: no
believe in god: only myself in UT and of course Mountain Dew
pray: to mountain dew
go to church: God no
have any secrets: not really
have any pets: two cats (Tweaker and Sprocket)
talk to strangers who instant message you: depends, but most likely I'll give them a chance
wear hats: I wonder...
have any piercings: no
have any tattoos: no
hate yourself: no
have an obsession: maybe
have a secret crush: didn't I just say I don't have secrets
collect anything: yes...large amounts of data
have a best friend: many
like your handwriting: don't care
have any bad habits: oh yeah
care about looks: not often
girlfriend's looks: not often
friends and other people: not often, except in rare cases of personal illness
believe in witches: no
believe in satan: no
believe in ghosts: I'm trying real hard

current
dress: socks, pajama pants, underwear, and a t-shirt
mood: apathetic, if you can't tell
make-up: sure...why not
music: awww...none, I have Sean though
taste: Mountain Dew, Donut
hair: I'm not sure
annoyance: people that fill out these
smell: I don't want to know
thought: ponies
book: Um...The Hobbit, and attempts with Calculus and Web Design
fingernail color: that...one...color
refreshment: Nectar of life...aka...God
worry: money
crush: Kassi, Liz, and CG BOOBS!!! (said like "3D food" from the swedish muppet chef)
favorite celebrity: mmm...natalie portman

Last person
you touched: Lisa
you talked to: Sean
you hugged: ...don't remember
you instant messaged: Kevin
you had a crush on: Liz
who broke your heart: Laura
kissed: Kassi

Who do you want to
Kill: 90% of the Earth's population...airborne virus. Wrathing Purifyer
slap: Kevin, for saying I'm fun to slap
tickle: Kassi, Laura, Heather, Liz, Elmo, Natalie Portman (Jesus), Keira Knightley, George Bush, and the Monkey
talk to: most people...
kiss: All the people I want to tickle...minus George Bush and the Monkey
be like: Myself, and maybe the Monkey



Quiz 2

1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: and the mission that had just left. But underneath, his mind had al-
2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? Sean cranium.
3) What is the last thing you watched on TV? the news
4) WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is: 12:15
5) Now look at the clock, what is the actual time: 12:43
6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: Sean tapping a dew can.
7) When did you last step outside? what were you doing? Around 9:20. Going to Bookcliff Cafe.
8) Before you came to this website, what did you look at? Everything...cept for the Monkey.
9) What are you wearing? socks, pajama pants, underwear, and a t-shirt.
10) Did you dream last night? yes.
11) When did you last laugh? In 30 seconds
12) What is on the walls of the room you are in? various pictures, palestinian flag, israeli flag, 2 berserk posters, vampire hunter d poster, angel sanctuary poster, matrix reloaded poster, kill bill: volume one poster, the last samurai poster, seven samurai poster, blade 2 poster, hulk poster, cowboy bebop the movie poster, return of the jedi poster, spider-man 2 poster, school of rock poster, another kill bill poster, return of the king poster, cluelessness poster, and probably some things I don't know about
13) Seen anything weird lately? the constable of ass pain
14) What do you think of this quiz? you know what...it's a quiz
15) What is the last film you saw? In a theater? HellBoy, on a tv, Dark City, on my computer, S.W.A.T.
16) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? 1. Breakfast 2. Honda Insight 3. Tank of gas 4. Drive to denver, purchase Mini Cooper 5. Probably a few tanks of gas 6. Lunch 7. Drive to Seattle and purchase a house 8. Purchase supplies for cooking dinner 9. Dinner...off woman's breasts 10. College
17) Tell me something about you that I don't know: didn't I just say I don't have secrets, unless you want to know something interesting
18) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would it be? its gravitational pull
19) Do you like to dance? Once I am convinced to
20) George Bush: ...the Monkey is beating him
21) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Not going to think about until I have the thought of having children
22) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Ditto to number 21
23) Would you ever consider living abroad? yes

:: Posted by Vincent at 9:46 PM::
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  Wednesday, April 14, 2004

The artist formerly known as the Prince of Ass Pain
(background music: Stabbing Westward)

At the moment I can't see straight. I have insomnia again. It's fun sometimes. Other times it's sad.

Stayed up, been hanging with Sean all night...always fun.

Want to go to Boulder again.

Check my store...so fun

Going to sleep now...can't feel most of my body.

:: Posted by Vincent at 7:25 AM::
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  Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Allo
(background music: Korn - Somebody Someone)

Looking forward to seeing Kill Bill: Volume Two this weekend.

I'm gonna try to get back home for the car show, not sure if I'll be able to though.

Made some new banners today...fun fun.

Watched Timeline...God it was horrible...the only thing that made it remotely decent was a fun battle with arrows.

Slipping back into insomnia...hope to solve this tomorrow.

:: Posted by Vincent at 2:11 AM::
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  Friday, April 09, 2004

Using Acid
(background music: Vertical Horizon - You Say)

I came out of my room only to see this:



Enough with your drug habits...I need to urinate

:: Posted by Vincent at 5:45 PM::
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  Thursday, April 08, 2004

Disgruntled
(background music: Korn - Hey Daddy)

Now I usually don't do this...I'm just not that sort of person, but at the moment...I'm not in the greatest mood. I am cross with many of the aspects of my life. I realize that I am going to have to deal with it on my own, but I figured that this would help a little bit just to rant. Of course, the entire point of posting it on my blog is to provide me with the possibility for some sort of pity or attention of any sort from it. I don't care if anybody thinks that...it's the truth, that's why most people do this sort of things. I just haven't gotten much of the attention I want lately, so...I'm reaching out.

Lately (almost the past year) I have been thinking about what I want to do for college next year. Considering I'm not doing that well in classes this semester, I doubt I will be coming back to Mesa State. I wish I could have done better in these classes, but ever since Christmas break I've felt...despair. I am a mathematics major...but I don't want to be one. I literally have no idea what I want to do. I would love to do vocal performance, or drama...but I have to overcome a lot of fears before doing it. I have no interest in my classes, nothing excites me anymore and I procrastinate with everything. I'm always behind instead of ahead now. My mind is faltering and slowly turning to dust.

I know what some of you are thinking, especially people of religious persuasion. Oh...it's because he's partying every night and screwing every girl he sees. No...I'm sorry, that's not right. I don't drink at the college now, haven't for 2 months, and before that it was a rare occurrence. And I have not had a relationship with any girl here since my first week...physically or emotionally.

I guess I will have to bring it up. This may sound close minded or offensive to many, but I beg you to not take it personally...I hate religion. I can't stand it. I hate people that can think they're so right about every situation and make you feel like shit. Now I know that not all religions or members of those religions do this. I have a lot of very religious friends. But living in a Mormon town for the past 8 years has not helped. Every corner I turned I would find someone that despised me, simply for being atheist. At any point in meeting someone they would immediately think less of me because I did not share their beliefs. There is a big difference here...I don't care about people's beliefs; I care what kind of person they are, and what morals they have. I have come to my morals through experience and out of common sense...not out of them being pounded into my head every Sunday. No I'm not going to corrupt your son's mind, no I'm not going to rape your little girl. I respect people...but because of being treated as an inferior by so many morning and people of other religions, I have a certain amount of hate for religion in general.

The first part of my senior year in high school was hell because of people like this. The summer after my junior year was a horrible time for me, I went through a self destructive phase that scarred me for a long time but also taught me a lot. Yes, I smoked for a very short time, yes I drank...once in the summer. I hung out with the wrong crowd. I became suicidal and attempted no less than two times. But once I started recovering from this I had a lot of the student population against me because of the few bad acts I had taken part in. As soon as people heard these things I was immediately associated with every bad thing that happened at the school, like one of my good friends becoming a felon. He made a bad decision, and everyone thought I was with him and that I got off scott-free...well I didn't have anything to do with it...but that's the sort of thing I got blamed for.

My parents always ask if I've gotten a job yet. No...I haven't, I look every now and then, but haven't put enough effort into the search. When I graduated from high school, my parents said I should take a year off, move to North Carolina to get residency, and then go to UNC Chapel Hill where I'm a legacy. After almost a year at Mesa I was seriously considering taking that up. Moving to North Carolina, looking for a good job, a few roommates, and living on my own for a while. I basically had my mind set on it, but my parents have changed their mind about what they want me to do. They've confused me even more now. Now they want me to go to Mesa for another year and then move to San Francisco with my sister once she leaves Philadelphia. I have to admit, once again, that I do not know what I want to do, where I want to go, or what I can do for that matter.

My life here at Mesa has gone downhill all year. Sometimes I'm happy, but most of time I'm very apathetic and overall "meh." I have a few good friends here, real friends that I can talk to until 7 in the morning about anything. I'm happy I've met people, but still feel like I should meet more...but I don't know how. Kevin's great, a good friend, he just gets on my nerves sometimes...he always wants me to make a movie when most of the time I see a lot of his ideas as childish and I have no interest in them. When he comes to my room he usually handles every movable object like a small child. When he sits down and we talk it's great. But I do wish when I was working on a post on my blog, or working with graphics in Photoshop he would leave...because those things are very personal for me while in the process. He also tries to little me whenever I mess up in speaking, he seems to think that I should be so perfect and that any mistake I make is the world...it makes me feel like shit when he makes a big deal out of such little things. I don't put everything I have into something I don't care about...so I'm bound not to seem perfect at those things. (Sorry Kevin...hope you understand). My other good friends Lisa, Sean, Zack, and maybe a few others are all great...but I still feel something is always missing.

I hate not being able to see Kassi; I don't know if I'm really over her or not at any point. Sometimes I feel like it's not a big deal...but at others when I see a couple or if the subject comes up in a conversation with my friends...I'm just...lonely. I miss her laugh, making her smile, her eyes. I miss being able to walk down the street, or through the halls and have someone come up and cuddle me from behind. I miss those feelings. My life here with the opposite sex has been non-existent except for that first week here when I basically had a one-week-stand. I have to say that was fun...but it wasn't really what I wanted. I just want female company...and it's never really there except for Lisa...and she's my sister basically.

I dislike it when people say they will drop by, call, or email me soon and do not do so in the next week...or ever. I can always understand if someone can't make it, or is busy...but I would appreciate it if people would put forth effort. I hate it when people put too much meaning into one song, or use it to tell me or others how they feel. "Listen to this, it's how I'm feeling" not "This is what I feel:..." I'm not sure how to meet people anymore, most of the friends I have here were met through other people, and a lot of my original friends here have turned into alcoholics or disappeared completely. Sometimes that suicidal feeling comes back, but I always know that's not the answer. I know I still have it good...just...not the way I want or need it. I have to stop typing now.

:: Posted by Vincent at 9:47 PM::
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  Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Photoshop
(background music: Unwritten Law - Actress Model)

Today has just been a photoshop day...made three wallpapers, played around with a few other images...all very fun. Check out what I did with these two and the other wallpapers on my last post.

:: Posted by Vincent at 11:30 PM::
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Yay
(background music: Rage Against the Machine - Wake Up)

Trailers of the Moment:
Kill Bill: Volume 2
Thunderbirds
Garden State
Casshern

p.s. New Wallpaper for your cubical

:: Posted by Vincent at 12:31 PM::
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  Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Musical Embarrassment
(background music: Hmm...take a guess)

First things first...I have a new poll up, I mentioned it in my last post but as a "p.s." so go have a vote. I decided to make this one because I've been to 5 movies since the beginning of my spring break and I'm going to another tonight...that's 6...I'm wasting a lot of money.

I also just broke a thousand hits on my page...in a little over a month. Even though it's usually the same group of five people with an occasional random hit from a german aol site or search for Eternal Sunshine or Vivaldi lyrics, I'm still proud of my small blog and it's slowly growing in size, design, and viewers. Thanks to everyone!

Now then, I stole this idea from Steffan...collect all the music on your computer (or mp3 player) into a complete playlist, make sure shuffle or random is on and hit play...start out with a song you're in the mood for or just start if you're feeling lucky. List the first 20 (or 10 if you're pressed for time) songs to be played, no matter how embarrassing...oh, and try to listen to the entire song, however painful.

Artist - Album - Title
1. Korn - Issues - Trash
2. The 5 6 7 8s - Kill Bill Soundtrack - Woo Hoo
3. The Seatbelts - Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack - Piano Black
4. Do As Infinity - Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust Soundtrack - Tooku Made
5. Bob Dylan - Things Have Changed - The Essential Bob Dylan
6. Talk Talk - The Collection - Dum Dum Girl
7. Moby - Play - Honey
8. A Flock of Seagulls - Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Soundtrack - I Ran (So Far Away)
9. Eminem - The Eminem Show - Business
10. Talk Talk - The Collection - Strike Up the Band
11. Hoobustank - Basketball Shorts - Stuck Without a Voice
12. The Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour - Strawberry Fields
13. Korn - Untouchables - No One's There
14. The Simpsons - Moe and the Lie Detector
15. Living Colour - Monsters of Rock - Cult of the Personality
16. Christina Aguilera - Stripped - Cruz
17. Soundgarden - Down on the Upside - Pretty Noose
18. Remix of Prodigy - Out of Space
19. Ninja Gaiden Techno
20. The Simpsons - The Yellow Album - Love

Well I guess I didn't have any really embarrassing songs come up...that was lucky...although winamp did not seem very random in it. I got two songs by Korn and two songs by Talk Talk...an odd thing to happen with the amount of songs I have.

:: Posted by Vincent at 6:24 PM::
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  Monday, April 05, 2004

Parental Guidance Suggested
(background music: LostProphets - The Fake Sound of Progress & Astral Projection - Dancing Galaxy)

The Christians just took my trash...be afraid. Apparently they're "spreading the word of god" by making me listen to them after they take my trash...but I can't NOT listen to them...I mean...they just took my trash.

Ever gone to sit on the toilet and hear a laugh track in the background? It's disturbing

Sorry about not posting much. I was in bed most of last week except for watching a movie here or there. Went to Moab during the weekend, had a great time (amazing time). Went to Dawn of the Dead last night...not as good as I heard, but still a joy-ride. Gonna go see Secret Window tonight, I have high expectations and expect them to be fulfilled...Johnny Depp's so great...is there anything that man cannot do? This will be the fifth movie I've seen in the theater since the beginning of spring break. NOT GOOD

Can't wait to watch The Last Samurai and Big Fish again...wish I could watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind right now. I watched so many movies lately I guess if you want you'll have to go check out my ratings

Today I was standing out in the soccer field waiting to find out if we had class or not. It was raining...it was so amazingly perfect. Right then I wanted to go find a nice girl and go for a walk through the park and to main street. I love rain, it's beautiful. Unfortunately...there is no nice girl...and I had class indoors because of the rain.

I wish I could find a copy of Hoobastank's cover of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" that they performed at the concert. Been listening to the new Vines album lately, "Winning Days," it's pretty good.

I'm continuing to work on my sidebar today...adding a few things, changing the posters...hopefully that will all be done before I go to the movie at 9:30. So anyways.

p.s. There's a new mini-poll on the side-bar...take a vote.

:: Posted by Vincent at 9:29 PM::
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